Q: How can you tell the difference between bagpipe tunes?
A: By
their names!
Q: What can a picnic table do that a bagpiper can't do?
A: Support a family of six.
Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A: No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
Q: Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.
Q: What's the
definition of "optimism"?
A: A bagpiper with a beeper.
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on
a piper's arm?
A: A tattoo!
Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a philosopher?
A:
They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Q: What is the first sacrifice a person must make to become a piper?
A: Her sense of pitch.
Q: What single thing can you do to most greatly improve the quality of your bagpipe music?
A: Play it on the piano.
Q: How many pipers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five - one to screw
it in and four to criticize his fingering!
Q: What's this: X X X ?
A:
Three drummers co-signing a loan.
Q: Why does the Great Highland Bagpipe have so many drones?
A: To help conceal
the sound of the chanter.
Q: How do you get a piper off your doorstep?
A: Pay for the pizza.
Q:
How do you get a piper to play really slow?
A: Put sheet music in front of her.
Q: Why can't a gorilla
play the drums?
A: Gorillas are too sensitive.
Q: What should you do if you run over a bagpipe?
A: Back
up.
Q: What's black and brown and looks good on a piper?
A: A Doberman.
Q: Why do bagpipers
always march when they play?
A: Moving targets are harder to hit.
Q: What's worse than a drum?
A:
Drums.
Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes when you
jump on a trampoline.
Q: How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A: You don't have
to be very good to get people's attention.
Q: What do you call a drummer with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: What's the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who knows how to play the bagpipes and doesn't.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A bagpiper.
Q: How do you get two
bagpipers to play in perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.
Q: What is one thing you will never hear a drummer say?
A: "Hey - why don't we try one of my songs?"
Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and
a lawnmower?
A: You can tune the lawnmower.
Q: What's the difference between a dead snake in the road
and a dead bagpiper in the road?
A: Skid marks in front of the snake.
Q: What's the difference between
a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A: The country singer may have been on the way to
a recording session.
Did you hear about the piper who locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get
the drummer out.
